Go ahead, Ask for that…

ShallIAskItI met with a school friend after a long time. We had so much to talk and share with each other. It was great to get connected. She is a super-specialist in a medical speciality. Works in a government hospital and the attached medical college as a faculty member. I was a little surprised at her decision. In today’s materialistic world, she could have made tons of money in private practice or working in a bigger private hospital. So I started quizzing her about her choice of career.

She gave me many different and commendable reasons. She thought that she owed a lot to the system that helped her get the education and she needed to payback in someway. Working with the government hospital would help her make the biggest contribution and payback. By being a faculty member, she would be able to help create the new generation of medical professionals.

One reason she gave, though jokingly, was that she found it very difficult to ask for something to anybody. If she went in private practice, she would find it very difficult to ask the patient for the fees. Smile. That started this chain of thoughts.

We suffer from this problem from time to time, though with different degrees. We feel shy about asking to others. So when we want to borrow money in an emergency, even to a close one, we are awkward. I feel very shy asking for a book or money that I have lent to someone.

The level of shyness depends on who we are asking and for what. Closer we are to the person whom we are asking , less awkward we feel. More we think we deserve or need what we are asking for, less awkward we feel.

I am no psychologist, so I don’t know what leads to this awkwardness. Is it fear of rejection? What will happen if we ask for a favour and the person in front rejects the request? I think in some way, it hurts our self esteem. We feel smaller than we are. We feel humiliated. And we would rather risk not getting what we want and the subsequent consequences, rather than being humiliated.

However, if we don’t ask for what we want, we are most certainly not going to get it. It’s always our choice. We can either ask and increase our chances of getting it, or never get it. I have met with people who would never ask, rather than risk a no.

I have learnt from my own experience that someone rejecting my request, doesn’t make me any smaller than what I am. It increases my chance of getting what I want. If I didn’t risk a rejection by asking Geeta for her hand, I would never get such a wonderful wife. Smile

So go ahead, have courage, and ask for what you want.

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4 Responses to Go ahead, Ask for that…

  1. Deepak

    Thanks for the comment. You help me strengthen my point, however, I disagree with your last line.
    Then aren’t you failing 100% of the friendship for 0.05 to 0.1 % chance of failing it?
    I don’t agree that the friend refusing to lend you money is failing in the friendship. Just like you have a right to ask him for money, the friend has a right to refuse it for any reason, however irrational.

  2. Deepak S Avasare says:

    There is an expression “If you don’t ask, the answer is NO”.

    So it is always better to ask. In sales they always say “the rejection is not personal”. Most of the time it could be inability of the receiver to think / see your way.

    It is always better to fail trying to achieve something (off course as long as you feel it is worthwhile achieving) rather than not trying at all for the fear of failure.

    This is my own experience / thinking on the flip side.

    I had proposed one of my close friend about sort of a business proposition/venture. I asked him that he invest some money and I will give him 10% pa guaranteed returns with capital guarantee and sign the legal contract for that.

    He said he does not want to mix business and friendship. In a true “Marathi Bana” he also suggested that I not get involved in this kind of risky business and do my job “Imane itabare”. He said I am likely to loose money and “bring my family on the road”.

    I argued with him –
    What is the chance of me loosing the money? He said may be 10 %
    What is the chance that even after loosing the money in a particular venture, I would not return his money? He said another 10 %
    What is the chance that (you knowing me and I knowing you and assuming our true nature) if I am not able to return your money (for justifiable reason), you would have lost the friendship? He said probably 10%, may be 5%.

    So then I explained him that 10% of 10% of 10% which is 0.1 % chance of breaking the friendship. You are not giving me money when I want / need for my venture. Then aren’t you failing 100% of the friendship for 0.05 to 0.1 % chance of failing it?

    Regards.
    Deepak

    • Makarand karkare says:
      April 10, 2011 at 10:24 am (Edit)
      Deepak

      Thanks for the comment. You help me strengthen my point, however, I disagree with your last line.

      Then aren’t you failing 100% of the friendship for 0.05 to 0.1 % chance of failing it?

      I don’t agree that the friend refusing to lend you money is failing in the friendship. Just like you have a right to ask him for money, the friend has a right to refuse it for any reason, however irrational.

      • Deepak Avasare says:

        I agree he has right to refuse any proposition. I have no problem with that.

        The comment “Then aren’t you failing 100% of the friendship for 0.05 to 0.1 % chance of failing it?” – is in regards to the principle used wrongly.

        If he is ready to invest (and even loose) money with perfect stranger but still not ready to invest with the friend (for the fear of mixing Friendship and Money) that I have problem / issue with.

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